What do you mean CPS is at our house?!

This post is one that has been weighing on my heart and mind very heavily. I wanted to write it to share our story, but I was also afraid of "what will people think?". After talking to Adam about it, he agreed that it needed to be done; not only to be honest about our experience, but because it was such a major event in our lives that we both agreed it was important to just put it out there. So, here it goes..... And there is A LOT to tell, so bear with me as this may get a bit long-winded....

Eli went in to surgery for his first feeding tube March 23, 2011. We all thought this was going to be a major blessing, even though it was a very scary thing to think about; our 2 year old little baby was having surgery, but we knew it was for something that could potentially save his life. The surgery went well and Eli was released from the hospital the next day, March 24. This was mine and Adam's 5th wedding anniversary and having our little boy home with us was the best gift we could have ever asked for. The next day was Friday, March 25. Adam stayed home from work, but I went ahead with my scheduled clients. I was also helping with a project at a local middle school talking to the female students about sexual abuse. I had finished with my morning clients and was on my way to the middle school. On my drive, I called Adam to check in and see how things were going. I almost had a wreck when his response was "CPS is at our house..." My heart dropped. On top of doing my internship as a Therapist Intern for the Children's Advocacy Center, I was also the Lubbock Regional manager for Safe Harbor, an agency that supervised family visits for CPS. So, I calmly asked Adam to put me on the phone with the caseworker. He did and the next thing I heard was, "Hi Rachel. This is _____ and I'm here following up on a report of medical abuse that has been filed against you and your husband." The next few minutes were followed by questions I knew she couldn't answer... Who, what, why.... She then put Adam back on the phone and I told him to not say anything else until I got there. So I frantically drove across town to my house while calling everyone I could think of.... My boss at Safe Harbor, the Executive Director at CAC as well as my Clinical Supervisor, and my Mom. When I finally arrived at my house, I was sickened to see this caseworker, someone who I had know since 2007 and I had supervised many of her family visits at CPS, sitting in Adam's recliner, observing us, watching everything we did, walking around our house and taking notes about everything we said. It took every bit of strength I had to not tell her to get the hell out of my house.

But I remained as calm as I possibly could. She again explained that there had been a report filed against us for medical abuse. (Remember in my earlier post, talking about the local neurologist who said there was nothing wrong with Eli, but everything that was wrong with him was my fault and I wasn't doing enough to help him? Well, we have the suspicion it was him, but this is something we will never know. You see, anyone can file a CPS report. They remain anonymous.) Anyway, she finished touring the house and asked me several questions before packing her things to leave. She assured me that, because of my position with Safe Harbor, this investigation would be handled with extreme confidentiality. That left me with the impression that the investigation would be dismissed and we could go on about our lives.

The following days and weeks were spent sending emails and making phone calls to CPS. Any news? Any updates? Is this over yet? Always with the same response.... we're still investigating. They had to get copies of all of Eli's medical records. Because he had seen so many doctors, there were a lot of records to get and review. Finally, several weeks later, we were told we needed to come for a meeting at CPS with the investigator and her supervisor. My boss from Safe Harbor as well as our dear friend and attorney went with us.We were told during this meeting that the nurse reviewing Eli's records saw many "red flags". Basically, they were not happy that we had been to so many doctor's appointments, but did not have an official diagnosis. Well, guess what!! So were we! (This all happened before the diagnoses of Klinefelter's Syndrome and PDD.) They also had the nerve to say that they did not believe that Eli's feeding tube was medically necessary. So did we just FORCE our doctor to do this surgery? And being 10 pounds under weight and not eating for 7-8 days in a row not fall under the case of being medically necessary?! I guess they know more that the doctors! (I don't know if you can sense my anger or not, but I still get furious over all of this...)

We were then told by the investigator that they were ruling this UTD, Unable To Determine, basically saying that they didn't have enough evidence to rule it out or to confirm medical abuse. With this ruling, it would basically be on Eli's record until he turned 18. If Adam or I (especially me, considering my line of work) ever had a CPS background check run on us, this investigation would come up. This would knock out many job possibilities for me, as well as the chances of Adam and I ever adopting or fostering through CPS. Not to mention the simple fact that this investigation was even happening! Here's the real kicker.... When we asked them what we needed to do to fix all of this, the investigator actually had the nerve to tell us, "Well, I call this an IDK case.... I Don't Know" (This response was then followed by a little giggle.) As if this investigation was not demeaning enough, the investigator, the person who is supposed to give us answers, just responded with a "text message" answer, as Adam calls it. We were furious!

After taking advice from our attorney, Adam and I elected to keep the investigation open. This would give us the opportunity to offer more information and evidence to rule it out and have it expunged. However, keep in mind that this meant the case was STILL OPEN. So we went to work, getting documentation and statements from doctors and therapists... something CPS had failed to do. We scheduled another meeting and handed over letters from Eli's therapists at ECI. The supervisor actually said, "Ya, I noticed these things were missing from his file. Thanks for doing our job!" (Her comment was also followed by a little giggle.) So, here we are.... 6 months later and sitting back in this office at CPS. Thankfully, we were then informed that CPS was closing the case as Ruled Out. It will still take 18 months to have this expunged from the record, where it will not show up on any background checks or anything. When we received the final paperwork, it had me listed as the Perpetrator for Medical Neglect or Abuse, which was defined as failing to provide my child with food, clothing, or shelter. I still get so angry when I think about this; that anyone in their right mind would think that Adam or I would ever hurt or not provide for our child. I tell people, it would have been different if Eli had been sick like he was and we DIDN'T take him to the doctor. Had we not taken him to the doctors and specialists, I honestly don't know if he would be here or as healthy as he is today.

I still worry every time he gets sick and we have to go to the doctor, or take a trip to the emergency room or go for more chest X-rays. Is CPS going to show up at our house again? Are we going to have to go through this hell and this fight again? I even walk into restaurants or stores and scan the room for the investigator and supervisor. I just don't know if I could handle myself or control my reaction if I ever saw them in public. For 7-8 months, they ruined our lives. I have worked along side CPS since October 2007 when I began working for Safe Harbor. Now, as a therapist intern for the Children's Advocacy Center, I am still in contact with them on an almost daily basis. Not all of them are bad. I see them do good so much with the children that I counsel. But in our case, I have to say I am severely saddened and disgusted by the lack of professionalism and tact that I saw from them.

And Adam and I still apologize to friends and even family for not telling them when this first happened. Honestly, CPS had SO much information about us and Eli, we were terrified to tell anyone or trust anyone. We looked at everyone we knew and wondered, "Was it them? Did they report us? Who would think that we are not good parents?" And we will never really know who reported us. I understand the protocol on that; I really do. But the investigation, in it's entirety, just makes it so hard to understand "why?".

So, Adam and I just wanted to share this part of our story. We wanted people to know what our experience has been. Maybe it will help some of our friends and family understand why we are so guarded. And if this is your first time hearing about this experience and you're wondering "Why didn't they tell me?", I'm sorry. As I said, Adam and I were scared to tell anyone because of the questions and comments we were afraid of getting. Now, I think we are to a point where we want people to know. We're finally comfortable sharing this very difficult, very painful part of our lives.